Audition: "Volkswagen" @ Ross Lacy Casting.  I'm spot on for this and I think I actually performed well.  Hopefully a connection will happen and I'll be called back.

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Callback: "Trulia" Sonnenberg Casting.  This callback was okay, but I still think I'm perfect for it! 

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Audition: "Ten Days in the Valley" @ Beach/Katzman Casting.  This was fun to rehearse, but a little less fun in the room for some reason.  I'm not sure why, but I left feeling a little depressed about it.  

Audition: "Pfizer" @ Pamela Starks Casting. Simply, I'm perfect for this and they should cast me, lol!

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Audition: "Trulia" @ Sonnenburg Casting.  I think I'm really right for this one...and I felt great about my performance in the room.

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Audition: "CarMax" @ Lisa Fields Casting.  Ha!  This was a good time, hopefully I'll be at callbacks!

Audition: "Canon" @ Ross Lacy Casting.  I think I'm really right for this one, but i'm not sure I delivered the goods in the room.

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This morning started with me on the SAG-AFTRA picket line striking against a video game producer...gotta support the cause.

Callback: "The Middle" @ G. Charles Wright Casting.  This went well, I fit the part and they should finally book me before this show goes off the air.  Done.  Well, I hope that's what happens.  I really NEED to book something on TV or in a film to prove to myself that I haven't booked my last job.

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Audition:  "The Middle" @ G. Charles Wright Casting.  I've been to this office to audition countless times over the years.  Usually, I go straight to producers, but this audition is a pre-read.  I read it twice for the Casting Director and was told in the room that I was being brought back for callbacks tomorrow morning.  Hopefully, one day, I will book something...before their run ends, they are in their 8th season.  

Audition: "AT&T Fiber" @ Francene Selkirk Casting.  Eh...

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Audition: "The Greener Grass" @ Rachel Tenner Casting. I was happy with how this one went.  I did it a few different times and ways and had more fun each time. 

My Life on the Sunset Strip…

2:03am

Sir: Oh My God! (while hugging me) Hi! It's (_____ from the ______). We barely made it. We need to get a few drinks before it's too late.

Server: (Blank stare) I'm sorry. We're finished serving for the evening; last call for alcohol was a half an hour ago.

Sir: Nooo! Are you serious? Me and my friends are going to grab a table and you can…(wink/wink).

Server: Cool. I'll bring menus to you all in just a moment.

THEY GRAB A TABLE. WELL, THEY SIT AT A TABLE. I BRING THEM MENUS.

CUT TO: 6 Minutes later.

Sir: Do you hate us? I'm sorry we're late. We just want to get a bottle of Chardonnay...we'll pay you double for it.

Server: I don't hate you.

Sir: Cool. We just want to order a few things and don't forget the bottle of Chardonnay...we'll pay you double for it.

Server: I don't want to lead you on, but I want you to know that I will not be serving you any alcohol.

Her: Okay. Hey y'all leave him alone he's just following the law.

Server: Thank you.

THEY ARE FINISHED EATING AND I'M DROPPING THE CHECK.

Sir: Hey, are you getting off soon?

Server: Uh...no. Not really. A couple of hours from now.

Sir: Can we have a ride home?

Server: Um…You're funny.

Her: Don't put him on the spot.

Sir: No seriously, I come here all the time from North Carolina. I like your face. If you give us a ride home I'll make it worth your time. I promise.

Server: I'm going to run your card and have front desk call you a cab.

Sir: We'll wait for you.

Server: Trust me, I'm not worth it…

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Callback: "confused.com" @ Joe Blake Casting.  They changed this quite a bit from the initial audition.  I'm not sure how well it went. I don't think it was bad at all, I just left with a neither here, nor there feeling. We'll see. 

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Audition: "Walmart" @ Alyson Horn Casting.  This was fun, it had a lot of "moving parts", but fun nonetheless. 

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Audition: “confused.com” @ Joe Blake Casting.  I got this appointment from an online, self-submission, which I usually have just about zero luck with.  The audition went well too!  I’m definitely right for it…at least I think so.


Audition: "Dunkin Donuts" @ Bill Bailey Casting. Eh, I'm not so sure about this one. I think I'm right for it and did well enough, but I still walked out with a neither here, nor there feeling. We'll see. 

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Audition: “McDonald’s” @ RMB Casting.  I had two kids in this one and I love working with kids.  Good times in the room.

My Life on the Sunset Strip…

Server: Of course I'll split your check 9 ways…it's not like you're asking me to split it 10 ways. Now THAT would be crazy.

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Audition: “Walmart” @ Nancy Nayor Casting.  Hmm…I felt that I was right enough for this, but I was trying too hard in the room.  It just didn’t feel good to me.  That doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t get called back, but it would surprise me…a little.

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Audition: “KFC” @ Francene Selkirk Casting.  This went okay, I think.  It was fun, but I'm not sure I'm right enough.  

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Audition: “KIA” @ RMB Casting.  This was a fun spot and I think I did as well as I could, but I’m not “the guy” for this one.  It’s all good, I’d rather see the right guy do it well.

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Audition: “American Housewife” @ Greenstein/Daniel Casting.  You either book it or you don’t…

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Another Callback:  “Charles Schwab” @ Sonnenberg Casting.I got a call from my agency this morning at 10:38am, informing me that I have a callback scheduled for 10:45am…yeah, in 7 minutes.

Fortunately, I was at home and able to drop everything (which wasn’t much) and get to the casting office within 22 minutes.  What had happened was that the casting director forgot to add me for a second callback.  I made it there in time and was seen for the original role and two additional roles.  I’m hoping that SOMETHING has my name written on it for this project.

Yes!  Late this evening I got the call that I’ve been placed on avail.

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Callback:  “Charles Schwab” @ Sonnenberg Casting.  Simply, it was good.

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Shooting: “Lowe’s”.  Today was a good day.  I got all of my shots in the can with, only a few bumps along the way and I really enjoyed my “family” and the crew.  Now, I have to get home and get some sleep before I go to work tonight.

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Shooting “Lowe’s”.  I had a nice, long day on set of doing…absolutely nothing.  I just sat around all day, dressed and ready to go, but it was not to be.  I’m back tomorrow to get another crack at it!

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Fitting “Lowe’s”, I’m really glad to be here.  I tried on a bunch of stuff and met my “wife”, Kyra and my “daughter”, Milan.  

Audition: “Charles Schwab” @ Sonnenberg Casting.  Geez, I’m so spot on for this spot it’s not funny.  I hope they see something similar.

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Yay, at 10:47 this morning, Jamie, one of my amazing commercial agents at KMR, called to tell me that I have been booked on the Lowe’s commercial!

Audition: “Best Buy” @ Francene Selkirk Casting.  If you ask me, I think I’m perfect for this spot…’nuff said. Call me back at least…I’m tellin’ ya, I’m the guy!!!

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Callback: “Lowe’s” @ Petite, A Casting Company.  This callback went pretty well.  I had a great wife and “child” to work with in the room.  I say, “child” because, honestly, I’m still not sure if it was a boy or a girl.  We were the first group to go in.  I usually try to avoid that, but it was okay.  We did it once and the director gave us some adjustments and we did it again.  After the second time we did it, I saw the director give “two thumbs up”…I took that as a good sign.  We shall see.

CUT TO:  6:12pm

The call comes in from my commercial agency that I’ve been placed on avail for the “Lowe’s” commercial.  Yay!

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Audition: “Progressive” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  This was a great one!  I was in the room with some heavy-hitting women.  I see them on TV often.  It was small, subtle work and we killed it…I think.  

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Audition: “Lowe’s” @ Petite, A Casting Company.  This went okay, I think.  Usually, when I have a wife and children in an audition things go really well,  his time I wasn’t so sure.  One of the children seemed like he/she was afraid of us, the rest of the family.

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Audition: “McDonald’s” @ RMB Casting.  This went well and I hope to be at the callback.

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Shooting: “Georgia Natural Gas” in Long Beach, CA.  Nice, bright and early call time of 7am and I didn’t have to work last night, so I’m feeling a bit rested…not always the case.

Fortunately, we were the first spot of 3 for today, because I have an audition scheduled this afternoon, back in Hollywood.  I ran into an old friend from my days in New York and early days here in LA, Marvin Bang, he was also working on this production.

Marvin gave me the good news that he had earned 20 SAG Pension Credits.  I’ve already qualified for a pension as well, but 20 credits is a bit of a milestone that I plan to reach, if not more.  I was overjoyed to hear that news!  I currently have 16, expecting that to be 17 by the end of this year.

A little after 9am I received a voicemail from an actor/CD/theater director and husband of CD that I know.  I don’t know him well, like he wouldn’t have my number without searching for it, but my number would be easy to find.  Anyway, he is directing a staged reading and needed to replace an actor who booked another gig.  He wanted to know if I could step in for him…tonight. 

Uhh…

I hadn’t been on stage, in any form, in a good while and I respect this persons’ taste and am happy that he thinks I can do it on such short notice.   

“Yeah, of course”, I told him.  He said, “Great, I’ll email the script right away”.

We finished shooting, had a great lunch and I was on my way back to Hollywood to my audition.        

Audition: Giovanni Rana Pasta” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  This didn’t go that well.  Not like “horrible”, I was just disconnected and not sure exactly what was going on…or is that horrible?

Staged reading: @ The Road Theatre.  This was a great time, the role was perfect for me and the lead was my former property manager from the first apartment I lived in when I first moved to Los Angeles.  SO glad I got this call!

This has been one, long, day.  Now, I have to go to my night job.  Ugh!

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Fitting: “Georgia Natural Gas”.  This was a good time and simple.  I met my commercial “wife”, Cherise Boothe, lovely lady and I look forward to a day on set with her.  It’s always great when you get paid to try on clothes, right? 

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Audition: “Hyundai” @ RMB Casting.  I think this one went well.  It was certainly fun. 

Callback: “Verizon” @ Petite, A Casting Company.  Eh, not sure what to make of how this went.

But.

I’ve been booked on the Georgia Natural Gas commercial to shoot next week.  Yay!

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Audition: “Verizon” @ Petite, A Casting Company.  This went well, I like playing a dad in auditions.

Callback: “Georgia Natural Gas” @ Craig Colvin Casting.  Yes!  This callback went great!  I hope to book it.  It won’t be a big money spot since it’s limited to the state of Georgia AND just for the holidays, but I’ll take it.

Callback: “Phone Project X” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  This didn’t go as well as the initial audition.  I’m not sure why, I was just flat and probably trying too hard.  Oh well, on to the next.

I got the call that I’ve been placed on avail for the Georgia Natural Gas spot.  Yay!

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Audition: “Project Phone X” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  I’m so perfect for this!  Improving with a major comedian?  That’s right down my alley!  I demand to be at callbacks for this…at least.

Audition: “Bosch” @ Schiff/Audino Casting.  This went great!  I would love to book it, of course…or any TV/Film job.  It’s been forever since that has happened.

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Audition: “Georgia Natural Gas” @ Craig Colvin Casting.  I used to audition for Craig all of the time, back in the day when his office was in the valley.  I was glad to see him; he’s always a nice and personable guy.  He was even in the room, which is rare, many CD’s monitor the auditions from their office while they are running other parts of their business.

I was very happy with how the audition went!  It’s a Christmas spot…in July, lol!

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Audition: “Careerbuilder.com” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  I felt that this one went pretty well, but I think I look too young for it…not a great way to enter the room.

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Audition: “Southwest” @ RMB Casting.  This was fun, not sure how great I was, but I had fun.

Audition: “McDonald’s @ RMB Casting.  I didn’t actually have an appointment for this one, but while I was waiting for my Southwest audition, the session director asked if I was ready to go in…for the McDonald’s one.  That told I was “right enough” for it.  So I very nicely asked if I could read for it.  I had a great time with my fellow actors, but I could tell that I was too old for it.  The other guys were in their early/mid 20’s.

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Audition: “Courtyard” @ Spot Casting.  Eh, I’m not so sure about this showing, but maybe the powers that be will feel a bit different.

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Audition: “Slim Jim” @ Francene Selkirk Casting.  Not sure I nailed it, but it was a fun spot and a good time in the room.     

Audition: “Ally Bank” RMB Casting.  I’m perfect for this!  I should book this spot everyday of the week!

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Audition: “Samsung” @ Alyson Horn Casting.  I used to audition at this office regularly, but I haven’t been here in a good while now and I’m glad to be back…  I just wish the audition would’ve gone better.  Oops.

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Today I arrived in the Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for the wedding of a friend.  Wow, this is what I needed to take my mind off of the “situation” with my father, my career, my night job, the suicide manifesto, etc.  

This wasn’t so much a planned trip, but it sure was the right trip and at the right time.  I had been wanting to venture down to the Caribbean for a long time to “see the blue water” and it’s totally worth it.  

We’re staying at a 5-star, all-inclusive resort called The Majestic Elegance.  I’ve definitely never experienced anything like this before.

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This morning I received an interesting email.  It was a group email that included 11 other people that I didn’t know.  It was from a guy that I met years ago while doing casting director workshops.  A really, really nice guy in my experience, but I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in just over 10 years.  He was no longer pursuing a career as an actor and had moved on to becoming a photojournalist.  He often traveled to poverty stricken locales and took the most beautiful photos.

I had reached out to him about 5 years ago, just to check in on him to see how he was doing.  He responded, we caught up through email and that was that.

The email I received today almost seemed like his account had been hacked so I only “sorta” paid attention to it.

BUT.

The second line in the message read as follows: “But if you are receiving this now, it means that I am dead.”

Yeah, that’s exactly what it said.  I needed to get out of the house for an audition, but it stayed on my mind.

Audition: “ProActive” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  This was a fun audition, but at the same time I don’t think it went so well for me, go figure!  I don’t know, I just don’t think I was fully getting it. 

When I returned home I looked at it again and it started to haunt me.  It was suicide letter.

He included a link to the information he wanted us to have.  Part of me didn’t want to click on it, but I eventually did.  At first it didn’t seem to work, but I later realized that it was taking so long because there was so much content to be downloaded.  The package included photos, text messages, emails, audio recordings and 585 pages of written text.  Yeah.  Seriously.

Needless to say, I was shocked.  I didn’t know this person really well outside of seeing him at acting workshops, but to me, he seemed like a great guy.  I couldn’t figure how or why I was included in the group email.  It put me in a really dark place for so many reasons. 

Obviously, I haven’t read hardly any of the manifesto yet, but, in a nutshell, this is what he says happened.    Basically, he was a child actor and according to him, his parents used his earnings from aged 5-11 for their own personal gain to purchase real estate.  He says he was abused verbally and physically by his parents and sexually by a school official.  He says nobody stood up for him, even people that were supposed to by law.

So he spent the last 5 months of his life putting this package together to distribute to everyone possible.  I later found out that he also sent it to the police before taking his life along with the lives of his parents.

Yeah, it was murder-suicide.

I’m speechless.  I just don’t know what to say.  I really don’t.  I can’t imagine how I ended up on a list of people to include in this.  I literally hadn’t spoken to him in more than 10 years.    

If interested in more of what took place you can do an internet search of “suicide actor Las Vegas parents manifesto”. 

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Well, well, well, guess who called me this morning?  On purpose.  My father actually picked up the phone and called me.  I admit that I was excited to see his name and number pop up on my cell phone.  It was my father!  Actually calling me!

At first, by the tone of his voice, he actually sounded like he was going to apologize to me.  That excitement didn’t last too long.  He quickly normalized himself and was on the extreme defense. 

He said that in our previous “conversation” I didn’t mention my mother’s role in the dysfunctional household.  That wasn’t true; I did mention my mother.  I mentioned her so much that he commented that I seemed to understand her more than even he did.  He predictably, conveniently forgot that. 

Things got heated as he denied pretty much everything I said in our previous talk.  Again, I told him that I expected him to deny and I was not offended or surprised by it. 

Believe it or not this went on for 5 hours and 48 minutes.  Much less pleasant and the call ended by the signal dropping.  I’m not sure if it was him or me, but neither of us made the effort to call back and continue the call.

What a way to end the week.

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I can’t say that I expected this to happen today.  What, you may or may not be asking?

My father called me.  Yeah, my very own father called me on my cell phone.

Actually, much more accurately, he called me by accident.  How do I know that?  Well, a great indication was that when he asked, “Who’s this?”  When I answered with my name, (my government name, “Bryan”), he asked, “Bryan who?”  Again, I paused, took a deep breath and said, “I’m your son”.  I’d say that’s a pretty good indication of whether or not he knew whom he had called…by accident. 

Both of us were in a group text sent by one of my older siblings.  Obviously, the other phone numbers in the group text message had my siblings names attached.  Also, it was obvious that my name/number is not in my fathers phone.  This fact does not surprise me.  So, I guess he was curious as to whom the orphan number belonged to…  ”Orphan”, funny enough, is pretty accurate as to how I feel about the situation as a whole.  My mother passed in 2002 and my father has never had a nice thing to say to me.

Early on in the “conversation”, I thought I was going to have to hang up on him and get on with my day.  I didn’t want to do that, but we’ve never had a meaningful conversation in my life and I didn’t feel I had much to lose.

He settled down a bit, lost the attitude and we ended up talking for 5 hours, 29 minutes and 48 seconds. 

Yeah…almost 6 hours.  I’ve never had a normal conversation with him in my entire life.  He’s the type of person that HAS to be in charge, so he kind of “talks at” people versus having a dialogue with them.  That wasn’t going to happen with me today as I very willing and very ready to end the call.

For decades I’ve had people that know a little about the “situation”, tell me that I need to sit down and “write him a letter” to him…even if I don’t mail it.  Honestly, I never saw the value in that, but maybe I’m an idiot. 

It wasn’t a great conversation in that I didn’t really learn much about him, however, I got say a lot…and I mean a whole lot.  Much of what would have been in “the letter” had I written one.  It didn’t land too well as he denied most of it, but I was very calm and self-assured.  I told him that I expected him to deny the things he said to me and that I wasn’t offended by it.    

I also got a chance to thank him for the things that I am thankful for.  I was never hungry or cold, ALWAYS knew where “home” was and grew up in a great neighborhood.  It was a highly dysfunctional household, but it was home and I had a lot of fun with my mom and some of my younger siblings.  I am thankful that he made a conscious decision to not raise us in my parents’ hometown of Chester, PA.  I will never marginalize the importance of that and I will ALWAYS appreciate it.

When we finished the call things were civil between us, still guarded, but civil nonetheless.  A small victory, maybe? 

Perhaps. 

This man has NEVER, one single time, called me since I moved from Virginia Beach to New York and eventually Los Angeles on May 9^th 1995. 

Never.

I spent years trying to be a “good or decent son” and I would still call him during the holidays and on his birthday, but in the Summer of 2003, after him, once again, being nasty to me on the phone I said that I was done.  It was just too painful for me and the only thing I was getting out of it was heartache and confusion.  I could not understand why this man has such a distain for me.

I didn’t forget about him.  I would always ask my brothers how he was doing.  Always.  Do I love him?  In theory I love my father, like in a fantasy type of way, but I don’t live in a fantasy.  I don’t know him to love him and I certainly don’t have a shred of evidence to say that he loves or even cares about me.  Honestly, I truly feel as though I am dead to him.        

Will we speak again?  I honestly have no idea.  Not.  At. All.  Kinda sucks…

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