Callback: “Cox Communications @ Ross Lacy Casting.  Yes!  I’m really excited about the possibility of work with this director.  The callback went really well so we’ll see what happens.  If nothing else, I’m one step closer to the brass ring of a booking.  A freakin’ booking!  What’s that???

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Audition: “Cox Communications @ Ross Lacy Casting.  I had a great time delivering a very low-key, almost deadpan read in this audition.  The session director gave me a lot of insight into what this particular director, Zack Math, likes to see in the work.  The spots Zack directed for ORKIN are some of my favorites.

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”Where are the bookings?”  More specifically, “Where are MY bookings?”  I certainly don’t know.  It’s not slow, people are booking, it’s just not me.  It seems as time goes on there has been more and more space in between my bookings.  I wish I had an answer for it, but I don’t.  I’m auditioning better and studying more, but the results are not what I’d hope as of yet.  I even shot photos specifically for my print agent, but that hasn’t lead to even one appointment for a print job.  Not even an appointment.

I’m seeing success all around me, but I’m not seeing tangible results for myself.  At the same time I feel very strongly that I’m doing the right thing in participating in my quest to move forward in my career.  It’s funny, I sometimes go back and read old entries that I’ve written and I hardly recognize the excitement and strides I was making back then.  I’d hoped that, by now, I’d be MUCH further along than I presently am.  I don’t know why I am not.  I do know that there are plenty of, now successful actors’, that lived the same story I’m living now before hitting that next level.  They catered, did construction, were fitness trainers, served burgers, made drinks, etc.  I have no question that I’m doing the right thing by staying engaged and not giving up my place in line.

It seems that I can hardly watch TV, film or a commercial without seeing some sort of connection to a person, a production or a product.  It might be a very obscure connection, but a connection nonetheless.  I feel like I have no more than 6 degrees of separation from everyone in the industry.  Of course that’s not true, but often times it seems that way. 

I, like many and most actors, just want to see more results.  I also know that I’ll have to be patient.  This is not a sprint it’s certainly a journey.

Lastly, I definitely want to thank my representatives and the casting directors that continue to support me and believe that “I can do this!”

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Today I attended the Los Angeles Financial Planning Day Event held at The Los Angeles Central Library.  I didn’t get much sleep before attending, but…what else is new.  I stayed awake the best I could.

I’m always surprised at the low turnout for an event such as this.  But, I guess 10 years ago, I would have been one of those same people not showing up.  I’ve always been a seeker of knowledge, but not necessarily in the area of personal finance.  Thankfully, that has changed.  It was a good, informative event for me. 

At the end I sat down for a one-on-one meeting with a consultant about my situation.  I told him where I was financially 6-7 years ago and where I am now.   I also showed him my credit report and my net/debt worth statement.  He was very impressed with my journey.  I told him that I felt I was saving a little too much for retirement and not enough to be liquid, emergency funds, etc.  He agreed and suggested I slow down on my Roth IRA contributions and start saving for a condo/house while continuing my 401(k) at the restaurant.  For the most part I agree with that, but I really just want to make more money acting and use that for a down payment on some real estate.  It’s going to be really difficult for me to stop contributing to my Roth IRA…we’ll see.

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Audition: “The Splits” @ Natalie Ballesteros Casting.  This was great fun.  I usually try to avoid being the first actor on tape for a session because often times it seems like they are still working out the camera, the computer or what works and/or doesn’t for the character.  I didn’t worry about that this time I just went in and did my thing.  I was very happy with the result.  It’s a web series and I really hope to book it.

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Audition: “Ford Fusion” @ Dan Bell Casting.  Nice!  Good stuff.

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Something really weird that caught me completely off guard happened today.  I called my little sister, Avis in Virginia Beach, for her birthday.  Avis has Down’s Syndrome and is as special as they come.  Truly, she has made me laugh all of my life…and continues to do so.  She is the reason that I’m as empathetic as I am…sometimes too empathetic for my own good, lol! 

Anyway, we were on the phone laughing and joking as I sang Happy Birthday to her.  I could hear her sorta bickering with my father in the background.  That is normal, not “really” bickering, but just playfully complaining as she always has done with him.  Mind you, I haven’t spoken to my father since July of 2003, about 8 months after my mother passed away.  I stopped calling to check on him years ago and he’s never cared to have any interest in my life or development as a person…at all.  Unless, of course, it’s to let me know that he thinks I’ll never amount to anything in this life.  I’ve been free of that for the last 9+ years. 

I have heard his voice over the years in this same fashion, in the background on the phone, over the years and it was always surreal knowing that my father was so close… yet so far.  I don’t know if I no longer exist to him or what.  I have no idea what he thinks.  He knows I’m still alive.  He knows I don’t live in Virginia Beach anymore.  Beyond that I couldn’t tell ya.

Back to my sister.  As she continued with her playful bickering all of the sudden he was on the phone with me.  I didn’t know what to say for a second so I didn’t say anything.  Then I started talking as if we were old friends.  I wasn’t sure if he knew it was me or not.  Then he asked something about her medication and I kinda paused and said, “I…don’t know.  I’m not sure”.  He replied, “Who is this?”  I said “Bryan, It’s Bryan” (My given name).  There was silence.  He thought I was my brother Jeff who he speaks with daily.  He stuttered for a bit; we made a little small talk.  He asked how I was and gave the phone back to my sister.    

It was odd.  My sister was talking to me and I wasn’t “all there” as I was still dealing with what had just happened.  Then my father got back on the phone and made more small talk and either the call dropped…or he hung up.  I sat there in my car in silence.  For the life of me I cannot understand how and/or why my father has treated me the way he has for my entire life.  In his eyes it seems as though I have zero redeeming qualities.  I started to feel very emotional and sad.  After sitting there for a bit I gathered myself and made my way home.

The older I get the more I see how much I missed from not having a supportive and nurturing family.  It happens to a lot of people.  I’d like to think that if I ever became a father I’d be great and really try to be all I could be for my family.  Maybe my father is giving all he has to give.  I don’t know, but I know that I wish it was more or he'd at least try to be better.   

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                                           My sister Avis.  Happy Birthday!  I love you!

Audition: “Georgia Lottery” Joe Blake Casting.  Eh, this went okay.  I felt just a little out of place with my auditioning group, but that has very little to do with what I think.

Callback: “Lincoln” @ [skirts].  The callback was just okay.  I felt like you could see me, working and thinking, while I was doing what I needed to do.  I was in my head too much.

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Audition: “Lincoln” @ [skirts].  I got to sit on Santa Claus’ lap for this audition.  Must be that time of the year; meaning time for Hollywood to start producing Holiday commercials.  It was fun.  Me, as a grown-assed man, sitting on a grown-ass-old-ass man’s lap.  Yup, pretty funny.

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