Friday, May 27, 2016

Well, well, well, guess who called me this morning?  On purpose.  My father actually picked up the phone and called me.  I admit that I was excited to see his name and number pop up on my cell phone.  It was my father!  Actually calling me!

At first, by the tone of his voice, he actually sounded like he was going to apologize to me.  That excitement didn’t last too long.  He quickly normalized himself and was on the extreme defense. 

He said that in our previous “conversation” I didn’t mention my mother’s role in the dysfunctional household.  That wasn’t true; I did mention my mother.  I mentioned her so much that he commented that I seemed to understand her more than even he did.  He predictably, conveniently forgot that. 

Things got heated as he denied pretty much everything I said in our previous talk.  Again, I told him that I expected him to deny and I was not offended or surprised by it. 

Believe it or not this went on for 5 hours and 48 minutes.  Much less pleasant and the call ended by the signal dropping.  I’m not sure if it was him or me, but neither of us made the effort to call back and continue the call.

What a way to end the week.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Monday, May 23, 2016

I can’t say that I expected this to happen today.  What, you may or may not be asking?

My father called me.  Yeah, my very own father called me on my cell phone.

Actually, much more accurately, he called me by accident.  How do I know that?  Well, a great indication was that when he asked, “Who’s this?”  When I answered with my name, (my government name, “Bryan”), he asked, “Bryan who?”  Again, I paused, took a deep breath and said, “I’m your son”.  I’d say that’s a pretty good indication of whether or not he knew whom he had called…by accident. 

Both of us were in a group text sent by one of my older siblings.  Obviously, the other phone numbers in the group text message had my siblings names attached.  Also, it was obvious that my name/number is not in my fathers phone.  This fact does not surprise me.  So, I guess he was curious as to whom the orphan number belonged to…  ”Orphan”, funny enough, is pretty accurate as to how I feel about the situation as a whole.  My mother passed in 2002 and my father has never had a nice thing to say to me.

Early on in the “conversation”, I thought I was going to have to hang up on him and get on with my day.  I didn’t want to do that, but we’ve never had a meaningful conversation in my life and I didn’t feel I had much to lose.

He settled down a bit, lost the attitude and we ended up talking for 5 hours, 29 minutes and 48 seconds. 

Yeah…almost 6 hours.  I’ve never had a normal conversation with him in my entire life.  He’s the type of person that HAS to be in charge, so he kind of “talks at” people versus having a dialogue with them.  That wasn’t going to happen with me today as I very willing and very ready to end the call.

For decades I’ve had people that know a little about the “situation”, tell me that I need to sit down and “write him a letter” to him…even if I don’t mail it.  Honestly, I never saw the value in that, but maybe I’m an idiot. 

It wasn’t a great conversation in that I didn’t really learn much about him, however, I got say a lot…and I mean a whole lot.  Much of what would have been in “the letter” had I written one.  It didn’t land too well as he denied most of it, but I was very calm and self-assured.  I told him that I expected him to deny the things he said to me and that I wasn’t offended by it.    

I also got a chance to thank him for the things that I am thankful for.  I was never hungry or cold, ALWAYS knew where “home” was and grew up in a great neighborhood.  It was a highly dysfunctional household, but it was home and I had a lot of fun with my mom and some of my younger siblings.  I am thankful that he made a conscious decision to not raise us in my parents’ hometown of Chester, PA.  I will never marginalize the importance of that and I will ALWAYS appreciate it.

When we finished the call things were civil between us, still guarded, but civil nonetheless.  A small victory, maybe? 

Perhaps. 

This man has NEVER, one single time, called me since I moved from Virginia Beach to New York and eventually Los Angeles on May 9th 1995. 

Never.

I spent years trying to be a “good or decent son” and I would still call him during the holidays and on his birthday, but in the Summer of 2003, after him, once again, being nasty to me on the phone I said that I was done.  It was just too painful for me and the only thing I was getting out of it was heartache and confusion.  I could not understand why this man has such a distain for me.

I didn’t forget about him.  I would always ask my brothers how he was doing.  Always.  Do I love him?  In theory I love my father, like in a fantasy type of way, but I don’t live in a fantasy.  I don’t know him to love him and I certainly don’t have a shred of evidence to say that he loves or even cares about me.  Honestly, I truly feel as though I am dead to him.        


Will we speak again?  I honestly have no idea.  Not.  At. All.  Kinda sucks…

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Shooting: “Dell” @ Universal Studios.  I had a great day on set with director, Ace Norton and fellow actor Benny Wills.  Benny and I auditioned together at the callback and I have to say that it felt like a little bit of magic happened in the casting office that day.  He was absolutely fabulous to work with for the shoot as well!    

Expectantly, we had a great, short day on set.  I was even released just in time to make it to my audition back in Hollywood.


Audition: “Samsung” @ Alyson Horn Casting.  Hmm…too bad.  I used to audition at this office quite frequently, but not so much in recent years.  It was great to be back, but I wish my performance would have been better.  Oops.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Monday, April 25, 2016


Wardrobe fitting:  I don’t think I’d ever seen an ad agency/client/creative team happier with my wardrobe.  I was in all purple and, I agree, that it looked pretty good!

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Thursday, April 21, 2016

So I wake up late morning (result of the overnight shift) and see a 33 second voicemail message from, Jamie, one of my commercial agents. 33 seconds is a good amount of time because it gives her plenty of time to say, "Congrats Stephon! You booked the so&so commercial! Your director is, the dates are, your fitting will be, the rates are, etc.

Instead it went like this:

The first 9 seconds were asking if I was available for a POTENTIAL wardrobe fitting on Monday the 25th between 1pm-4pm.

Okay, check...I can do that, I can be there.

Seconds 10 thru 15 were asking if I was available for a POSSIBLE shoot on the 27th or 28th.

Okay, check...I can do that, I can be there.

Seconds 16 thru 22 were informing me that if I was available for a POTENTIAL wardrobe fitting on Monday the 25th between 1pm-4pm and a POSSIBLE shoot on the 27th or 28th.

They would…offer and book me on the job.

Seconds 23 thru 33 summarized the info and requested that I call Jamie. I called and informed her that,
I can do that, I can be there.

I just love being a part of the team @ KMR & Associates! Thank you Alicia, Jamie, Val, Joe & Elizabeth!

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Wednesday, April 20, 2016


Callback: “Dell” @ Lisa Fields Casting.  More fun in the room at the callback and they paired me up with another actor for a different spot in the campaign.  He and I worked GREAT together!  Fingers-crossed!

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


Audition: “Dell” @ Lisa Fields Casting.  This was fun AND I think I performed well.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Friday, April 08, 2016


Audition: “Fortune Cookie” @ RMB Casting.  This was just weird.  I was to portray a producer in the rap music world.  Good luck Stephon!

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Wednesday, March 30, 2016


Audition: “Switched at Birth” Deedee Bradley Casting.  This didn’t go to well.  I was ready when I got there, but something happened when I opened my mouth.  That “something” wasn’t good…  I was surprised that Deedee seemed to remember me from way back when I met her in a casting director workshop.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Thursday, March 17, 2016


Audition: “Time-Warner Cable” @ Francene Selkirk Casting.  I had fun in the room, but I’m not sure I’m the right guy for the spot…good thing I’m not the one making that decision. 

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Ironically, today is my father’s birthday.  Ha!  I was trying to figure out if I had the balls to risk calling him to wish him a happy birthday.  Sounds simple enough, but it’s something I hadn’t done since 2003. 


I ended making the call and…I survived.  I didn’t say much, other than “Happy Birthday”…no exclamation point, lol!

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Saturday, March 12, 2016

So my younger brother Todd and I drove up to Pennsylvania together for my aunts funeral.  As usual, it was a good drive, just he and I, catching up…like brothers should.

I hadn’t been to the city, Chester, Pennsylvania, that my parents grew up in, in many years and, unfortunately, it hadn’t really changed too much.  It brought back a lot of memories, good memories, but it also brought out a different, adult perspective. 

My stomach was in knots…completely.

I hadn’t really seen or spoken to my father since mid 2003 and I expected that he’d be in attendance.  We parked the car and walked around to the entrance, which was at the back of the building and there was family everywhere. 

Then I saw my father.

I was paralyzed.

I didn’t know what to do, fortunately there were many other family members around that I hadn’t seen in years so I greeted them.

I knew, eventually, I’d have to approach and get in the space of my father…  Well, I guess I didn’t “have to”, but it is what was going to eventually happen.  Trust me, I get no pleasure out of not having a caring father, so I’ll eventually “get in his space” and see what happens.

So I went over to him. Paused, took a deep breath.  I felt like I needed to take a shot of liquor, ya know, something you do to help you get through a situation or a task that you’re dreading. …I’ve never had a shot of liquor, but this might’ve been a good time to start.

There he was and I said:

Me: Hi, how are you?

Him: (Quite warmly) Hey!  Who are you? 

Me: Bryan. (My government name)

Him: Bryan?

(Really, really uncomfortable pause…at least for me.  I doubt it was uncomfortable for him.

Me: (Sigh) I’m your son.

Him: Bryan?  That’s you?

He made small talk, complimented me on my suit.  I just kind of mentally faded away.  I mean, I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t recognize me, but the actual reality of experiencing my own father not recognizing me was…well, it’s tough to take.

Anyway, so I floated around in a bit of a fog until we all went entered the church for my Aunt Barbara’s service.

It was great to see so many extended family members.  It was good to see all of my siblings too.  We hadn’t all been together since my mother’s funeral November 2002. 

After the church ceremony we all traveled to the cemetery.  My father rode in the limousine with his 4 remaining sisters.  After the lowering of Aunt Barbara’s casket, my father rode back to the church with myself and my younger brother Todd.  I sat silently in the back seat of the car and just listened to my father, sitting the front passenger seat, talk.  He was telling a story about something my little sister, Avis, had done.  It was a funny story…because my little sister is hilarious.  I wasn’t ignoring him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him, so I just took it all in…and recorded him on my phone.  I figured that one day, in the future I might want to know what his voice sounded like and if I ever have children, I’d probably want them to know as well.

When we arrived back at the church for dinner he asked me how I was doing, I answered, and he exited the vehicle.            

After dinner I took a lot of photos and made sure I got one of him and all of his children together.  It was a nice time.  I didn’t have any direct, one on one, interaction with him, but that was okay because I was still quite nervous about it.

After that, we left the church to visit another cousin on my mother’s side of the family that resides in a nursing home.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Thursday, March 10, 2016


I’m heading home today and will most likely see and maybe even talk to my father for the first since late June 2003.  I’m incredibly unsettled and nervous about this…

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Wednesday, March 09, 2016


Callback: “Untitled Chris Case Pilot/aka Havoc” @ Josh Einsohn Casting.  Again, I left very happy with how this callback went.  I think I took the direction very well and I made them laugh, plus I had fun.  Honestly, I don’t know when was the last time I had a callback for a pilot.  I call that a success, even if it doesn’t go any further.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

Audition: “Untitled Chris Case Pilot/aka Havoc” @ Josh Einsohn Casting.  This was a pre-read and I was very happy with how things went in the room.  Hopefully I will get a callback!

Audition: “Pure Protein/Sun Naturals” @ Pop Casting.  I was late getting to this one because of the earlier pilot audition and I didn’t have a partner, so I read with part of the casting team.  It went okay…I guess.  Not so sure a callback is in my future for this one.

Audition: “Realtor.com” @ Francine Selkirk Casting.  Same-day call on a busy afternoon, but the schedule worked out perfectly and the audition was pretty good too.

In other news, purchased my ticket to head back east to Virginia and then a road trip up to Pennsylvania for my Aunt Barbara’s funeral.

I also got word that I have a callback tomorrow for the pilot I went in on today.  I’m SO excited about that!


I’m not so excited about missing another audition for tomorrow and ALSO a callback for “Pure Proteins/Sun Naturals”, but I gotta do what I gotta do. 

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Monday, March 07, 2016


Audition: “SAP” @ Cathi Carlton Casting.  This was fun and I think I did pretty well.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Saturday, March 05, 2016

While at work, I received the unfortunate news that my Aunt Barbara passed away back in Chester, Pennsylvania.  I wasn’t particularly close with my Aunt Barbara in recent years, but she was always such a warm, sweet lady.  I spoke to her back in December when she first went into the hospital.  We had a great conversation…and she made it clear to me that, when she passed away, I had “BETTER” be at the funeral. 

At this point I’m not sure what I’m going to do.  Well, I’m pretty sure, at the end of the day, I will be there, but it’s just so complicated.  You see, if I attend the funeral, I will most likely be in the same physical space as my father…assuming he attends.  This makes me so, incredibly nervous.  I haven’t seen or spoken to my father since 2003, one year after my mother passed away. 


Honestly, I haven’t spoken to anyone in my family in a few months, not even my youngest brother that I’m relatively close to.  Wait, that’s not totally true.  I’ve had some not so great conversations with my older brother.  He and I have never really had a good relationship.  I REALLY hope this changes for the better one of these days, but first people need to want it to change and I don’t have any evidence that that is the case…sad face.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Thursday, March 03, 2016


Callback: “Ice Breakers” @ Cathi Carlton Casting.  This went great and I’ve work with the director, Craig Gillespie, twice before.  I’m hoping for an avail call tonight or tomorrow.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Wednesday, March 02, 2016


Audition: “The Grinder” @ McCarthy/Abellaro Casting. For some reason I had a big problem getting the dialogue out of my mouth.  Rick, the CD kept working with me until I got it right.  Thanks!

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Monday, February 29, 2016


Audition: Ice Breakers” @ Cathi Carlton Casting. Fun audition, fun time. 

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Audition: “Criminal Minds” @ Scott David Casting.  I was prepared and ready to go…props and all.  The “props thing” is always kinda iffy, but I didn’t want to mime in the audition…so I brought a few props.  I was happy with how it went and I REALLY hope to book something on this show before it’s cancelled.

Audition: “Blunt Talk” McCarthy/Abellaro Casting.  I really appreciate this office bringing me in so often.

http://www.stephonfuller.com

Monday, February 22, 2016

Audition: ”AT&T & More” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  Simple and easy.

Audition: “CDW” Cathi Carlton Casting.  Fun work in the room with a couple of other actors.  Lots of laughs!

http://www.stephonfuller.com