Do you ever wonder what the heck you’re doing? Professionally, personally or just generally in life? I do; always have. Not so much in the sense of not being sure, but I constantly wonder about other things. Most everything.

Recently, at my night job, I shared with a fellow employee that I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t depressed about my circumstances. At least I don’t think I’m depressed. I’m talking personally, financially, socially, my family situation, etc. Nothing really outrageous, just things that many of us deal with in our lives. It’s confusing because I use different coping methods to make a given situation work for me. Yes, a bit of it is denial; actually a lot of it is denial. I’ve never been anyone else in this life so I don’t have anything to compare it to.

Part of the headtrip is that I have so much to look forward to while I live with the challenges. The night job is a beast…to say the least. Not sure how long my body can’t take it…or my mind for that matter. So I go to my safe place. Which is to make a challenging situation work for me. I’ve tried to get the most out of it so that I can make the good parts out weigh the tougher aspects of doing it. It’s been 2 ½ years and I think I’m winning the battle and in a big way. I just can’t let the areas of success cloud the pursuing of my career.

Sure, sometimes things are tough at the night job, but as many of us know, dealing with the public can be difficult. At the same time it can be wonderful and the amount of talent that I’m surrounded by is incredible. Also, I’ve developed some really cool relationships with many of my co-workers. Some of it is just light and fun, but other times it’s more life stuff. One of the greatest parts for me is that I get to encourage younger people to develop a healthy relationship with their finances. Now, I’m not trained in that field or anything like that, but I’m an expert on how I, myself, have become a super-saver. It’s a great feeling when one of them asks a question about it or tell me how they have decided to pay off a credit card or join the company 401(k) plan. I explain to them that the greatest thing I will ever be able to do for them is to encourage them to be responsible with their finances and, of course, treat them with respect.

I think the main reason why I’m able to get through to them is that I can talk to them in a way that I know they can understand. I sure wish I had someone in my life to do that for me at that age. My father tried to do that the best way he knew how, but he had no idea how to really get through to a teenager…no idea at all. Or maybe he just couldn’t through to me. It wasn’t like I was a difficult kid or anything like; we just never had any kind of meaningful father/son connection. I haven’t seen or spoken to him for years and I think about how much of a difference he could have made for me…and I for him. I think, subconsciously, I’m trying to do for them what didn’t happen for me. That might be a little weird, but my heart is in the right place and they seem to be receiving it well.

So no, I don’t think I’m depressed or being less than real with myself; I’m just really optimistic about my future. I have visions of working with my brothers in business. Now THAT will be cool. Actually, just last month, one of my younger brothers and I started saving money together to invest in the future. Those investments could be commercial property, residential property, stocks, etc. I am really excited about it and it’s given me something outside of acting that I’m totally into. I’m doing a lot right, but there is still much work to do.

http://www.stephonfuller.com