Wow. Yeah, that’s what’s on my mind. What does the future hold for me? Who the heck knows?
Sometimes that’s scary as heck and other times it’s stimulating. Today it’s a bit of both.
I’ve been
thinking about other things I can do with my life. This isn’t anything new; I’ve always had these thoughts, but
now I’m thinking about it in a more serious way. I think about how working at the restaurant has taken a toll
on me. Make no mistake it’s not
the worst thing in the world, far from it. I have, so far, made the best of it. But still. I’m less patient, more cynical, more empty…but also more
insightful, more patient with a better grasp on the Spanish language. Ugh… How many more tables?
How many more sides of Ranch dressing…I hate Ranch dressing…
I have so much
more to offer than what I do there.
So much more. I want to be
a part of something great. Or at
least something that aspires to be great.
Now THAT sounds like fun!
Not many things or operations aspire to be great. I’m ready to have more fun while I
work. That’s something I usually
get to do while acting, but I need to act more often…professionally.
I have to say I’m
quite proud that, even if I walked away today and never auditioned for another
commercial, TV or film project I could hold my head up high. I have something to show for my efforts. I cracked this really tough nut of
Hollywood. I just want more. I want more of a lot of things. I just have to figure out how to move
things to the next level. In my
career and in my life. I’m just
really hungry.
I mentioned that
super, duper, weird crazy experience with my father a few weeks ago. I haven’t heard anything else from
him. Of course I haven’t reached
out to him either. So maybe we are
both guilty. Maybe he’s more
guilty than me. Maybe that’s just
the way life goes sometimes. Who
knows; I think there is a good chance that we’ve spoken to each other for the
last time. What a waste. Are you serious??? He is supposed to be my father; the one
who brought me into this world. Wow, how empty. The
really odd thing is that out of all six children I am the one that is the most
like him. I began to think that
when I was in my late teens and I’ve been running from it ever since. Sometimes it is said one can become
what they are most afraid of…oops.
Terrifying.
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