Audition: “ING” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  This was fun; I think it went well for me and my partner.  I would love to book…something before the end of the year.  

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Happy Birthday Mom!

Audition: “Harris Bank” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  Oddly enough this went pretty well.  At least the session director thought so; I felt a bit confused.  Not confused, but I was really in my head.  Oh well. 

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Audition: “State Farm” @ TLC/Booth Casting.  This is a Joe Pytka-directed spot.  It went well.  Hopefully I’ll get a callback.  He doesn’t usually have callbacks, but maybe that has changed.  At any rate, I hope I’m there.

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Audition: “Nike” @ Ross Lacy Casting.  Another one that went great.  I think it shoots tomorrow.  They should call me soon…before I commit to selling burgers & fries.  

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Today marks 10 years since I lost my mother, Louise Fuller, to pancreatic cancer.  Wow.  I miss her so much.  I can only imagine what it would be like if she was still here.  I cannot believe it’s been 10 years.  I don’t know…I just shake my head and be thankful that’s she’s no longer suffering.

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Audition: “Coors Light” @ [skirts].  This went really well…which has NOTHING to do with whether I’ll get a callback or not.  Feels good though.

Tonight I did a prepared scene in a 2-week workshop with a network VP of Casting and I felt that my partner and I did a great job.  Yeah, I think I can do this acting thing.  I know I can. 

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Audition: “Happy Endings” @ Susan Vash Casting.  Wow, my first appointment in 3 weeks.  Susan remembered me and that’s always a good thing.  The actual read was okay; I had a few moments, but…

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Wow.  Yeah, that’s what’s on my mind.  What does the future hold for me?  Who the heck knows?  Sometimes that’s scary as heck and other times it’s stimulating.  Today it’s a bit of both. 

I’ve been thinking about other things I can do with my life.  This isn’t anything new; I’ve always had these thoughts, but now I’m thinking about it in a more serious way.  I think about how working at the restaurant has taken a toll on me.  Make no mistake it’s not the worst thing in the world, far from it.  I have, so far, made the best of it.  But still.  I’m less patient, more cynical, more empty…but also more insightful, more patient with a better grasp on the Spanish language.   Ugh…  How many more tables?  How many more sides of Ranch dressing…I hate Ranch dressing…

I have so much more to offer than what I do there.  So much more.  I want to be a part of something great.  Or at least something that aspires to be great.  Now THAT sounds like fun!  Not many things or operations aspire to be great.  I’m ready to have more fun while I work.  That’s something I usually get to do while acting, but I need to act more often…professionally.

I have to say I’m quite proud that, even if I walked away today and never auditioned for another commercial, TV or film project I could hold my head up high.  I have something to show for my efforts.  I cracked this really tough nut of Hollywood.  I just want more.  I want more of a lot of things.  I just have to figure out how to move things to the next level.  In my career and in my life.  I’m just really hungry.

I mentioned that super, duper, weird crazy experience with my father a few weeks ago.  I haven’t heard anything else from him.  Of course I haven’t reached out to him either.  So maybe we are both guilty.  Maybe he’s more guilty than me.  Maybe that’s just the way life goes sometimes.  Who knows; I think there is a good chance that we’ve spoken to each other for the last time.  What a waste.  Are you serious???  He is supposed to be my father; the one who brought me into this world.  Wow, how empty.  The really odd thing is that out of all six children I am the one that is the most like him.  I began to think that when I was in my late teens and I’ve been running from it ever since.  Sometimes it is said one can become what they are most afraid of…oops.  Terrifying.

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This morning I got a casting notice for a print appointment…at least I thought I did.  Shortly afterwards I received messages informing me that it was actually a glitch in the system at Casting Networks.  Ouch!  I thought I was turning the corner in the print world, but I guess not…yet.  This print thing is hurting me because I finally invested money and shot photos specifically for the print market and, so far, I’ve heard nothing but crickets.  I got more appointments when I was using my regular commercial headshots.  What gives?  At least my agent is responsive to the situation.  She says to give it a little more time and then will re-access.  Okay, I will, but I feel strongly that I can work in the print arena.

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