Rehearsal: "For The Love Of Freedom". Okay no one told me that we were rehearsing with the choreographer today. It was more like an aerobic work out. I was sweating like a pig. I thought I was going to pass out right there in the gym. I'm not much of a dancer in the first place so these movements really had me like a deer in headlights. I did the best I could and I'll keep working on it. It felt really great because it was all a part of the journey to the characters that make up the production as a whole.

After having such an incredible experience with "The Darker Face of the Earth" in New York and Washington, DC I was concerned about getting involved in a crappy production of some sort. This is only my second theatre experience and both of them have been Black theatre. This is great because, thus far, most of my work experiences have been very, very mainstream projects. You don't get much more mainstream than "Friends", "Frasier", and Tom Hanks. So this is a quite welcome change.

Don't get me wrong I am very thankful for those mainstream gigs, they are a lot of fun and they pay the bills much better than this play.........trust me. It's just that I'm getting to learn about Black history and having an incredible acting experience at the same time.

I have felt like a little bit of an outsider because quite a few of the other actors already know each other and some were involved in the first two parts of the play. That is quickly changing and I'm feeling more and more like part of the team.

The director, Ben Guillory, is quite incredible as are the actors that I'm working with. I think this was the right theatre piece for me to get involved in.

2004 has been an incredible year for me. I have gotten some important things accomplished in my personal life. Of course there is still many more things to do, but I am at least giving attention to them like I haven't in the past. I haven't really made a lot of money or booked a lot of jobs, but I have faith that I'll be able to keep the lights on through it all.

RANT ALERT:

It's been 21 months since I lost my mother and it still stops me dead in my tracks if I think about the wrong thing at the wrong time. It's amazing, it can be a song, a photo or any other seemingly insignificant thing that can completely put me on my ass. I mean to the point where I have to pull over in my car or even just go home. Just writing about it brings tears to my eyes.

I write that because as I was watching Ben direct rehearsal today I thought of my own father and wondered what the heck goes through his mind on a daily basis. Also, I was talking to a friend on the phone and her father beeped in on call waiting. I thought to myself, "That's so cool." Unfortunately, I don't believe that I'll ever have that. I don't think about it a lot, but when I do it's a tragic thought. I feel like an orphan often times.

Funny enough, the topic of this piece is something that my father would really be interested in. Too bad he'll never hear about it. I left Virginia Beach for New York nearly 10 years ago and my father has not one time picked up the phone to see how I'm doing. He wouldn't even know my phone number unless someone gave it to him.

Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing ever crosses his mind. Or if he hears about "California Wildfires", "Earthquakes" or even the "price of gas" does he remember that he has a son out here. I honestly don't know. I haven't spoken to him in over a year and even stopped calling on his birthday.

I don't know. I mean I'm not perfect, but I do try to do better. It's just kinda disheartning know that I may have spoken to my father for the last time and we are both still here on earth now.

END OF RANT