I am so in denial these days it’s not funny. I’m trying to get a lot of things accomplished and it seems overwhelming. Matter of fact it is overwhelming. Sometimes I ask myself if I’m crazy and after pausing for a minute I usually say “no”. I have a healthy amount of confidence in myself, although some of that confidence is masked in denial. I simply deny that some things are not possible. What really helps is that I’m in an insane business. That insanity can go both ways though. I have experienced many great things thus far; the insanity has been good to me.

I remember when I had to get a newer car a couple of years ago. The car I was driving, my beloved ’89 Honda Accord, was ready for retirement. It was running hot so I had to put antifreeze/water in it every other day, the driver side door handle was broken so I had to get in on the passenger side for 6 months, the A/C did not work and sometimes it just would not start. I couldn’t imagine how I could afford another car, but I pretty much lived in it and had to do something. It was really bringing me down. Having a car payment of a couple hundred dollars a month was not a pleasant thought.

My brother talked me into checking out the credit union that I was a member of. I was terrified. I just could not afford to do it, I also couldn’t afford not to do it. The credit union ended up being a dream to deal with. They quickly approved me for what I needed, but there was one problem. I had no money extra money in my budget – NONE. I was living very close to the financial edge, but I knew the car situation was going to kill my spirit. It was just getting to be too much to run around everyday like I was for much longer. So I looked online and found the exact car I wanted; fortunately it was priced about $1,500 below the Kelly Blue Book price. I had no idea how I was going make the first payment on the car – seriously. I also knew that at the end of the day I can usually figure things out.

Two years later, somehow – someway, it’s working out and I’ve never been late on a payment. I have to remember that. Because right now I feel like I might be trying to do too much financially. It’s nothing frivalous, just investing in me and what’s mine and what’s gonna be mine. I keep telling myself to look forward to the possibilities. I’m definitely “a half-full and filling” type of guy vs “a half-empty and draining” type. That is my normal way of thinking, but I’m only human and I need help sometimes. “Gotta look forward, just make it happen”. So I say it out loud in my apartment, when I drive, to my family and friends and often times to complete strangers. Yeah, that’s it. “Gotta look forward, just make it happen”. That way of thinking has gotten me this far; why stop now?

On another note, I thought by now I would’ve gotten that very familiar call saying “Stephon, you’ve been released from the “XYZ” spot. Don’t worry we’ll get you on another one soon”. Well, as of 5pm Wednesday evening I was still “on avail”, but they are also still casting. I don’t know if they are still casting the spot I’ve auditioned for 3 times or if it’s several different spots. At any rate, I have a feeling that I’ll be released tomorrow. I really hope I’m wrong. If I’m right I’m going snowboarding Friday.

I’m not being pessimistic, it’s just a strong possibility I’ll get released. Trust me, I would much rather shoot a “Sprint” national than go snowboarding on Friday. I’ll just go Saturday! Here’s an idea; maybe I should just say I’m going snowboarding Saturday because I’m shooting a “Sprint” national Friday. YEAH! That sounds good; that’s my story!

How ironic is this? Since I’ve officially had my new print zed card, I haven’t had a single go-see. I’m sure that will change in the near future. I’m not expecting to get out everyday or anything like that, but I’m really happy with it and I think it will work for me. My agents will get me in the game on regular basis in due time.