Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I am so in denial these days it’s not funny. I’m trying to get a lot of things accomplished and it seems overwhelming. Matter of fact it is overwhelming. Sometimes I ask myself if I’m crazy and after pausing for a minute I usually say “no”. I have a healthy amount of confidence in myself, although some of that confidence is masked in denial. I simply deny that some things are not possible. What really helps is that I’m in an insane business. That insanity can go both ways though. I have experienced many great things thus far; the insanity has been good to me.

I remember when I had to get a newer car a couple of years ago. The car I was driving, my beloved ’89 Honda Accord, was ready for retirement. It was running hot so I had to put antifreeze/water in it every other day, the driver side door handle was broken so I had to get in on the passenger side for 6 months, the A/C did not work and sometimes it just would not start. I couldn’t imagine how I could afford another car, but I pretty much lived in it and had to do something. It was really bringing me down. Having a car payment of a couple hundred dollars a month was not a pleasant thought.

My brother talked me into checking out the credit union that I was a member of. I was terrified. I just could not afford to do it, I also couldn’t afford not to do it. The credit union ended up being a dream to deal with. They quickly approved me for what I needed, but there was one problem. I had no money extra money in my budget – NONE. I was living very close to the financial edge, but I knew the car situation was going to kill my spirit. It was just getting to be too much to run around everyday like I was for much longer. So I looked online and found the exact car I wanted; fortunately it was priced about $1,500 below the Kelly Blue Book price. I had no idea how I was going make the first payment on the car – seriously. I also knew that at the end of the day I can usually figure things out.

Two years later, somehow – someway, it’s working out and I’ve never been late on a payment. I have to remember that. Because right now I feel like I might be trying to do too much financially. It’s nothing frivalous, just investing in me and what’s mine and what’s gonna be mine. I keep telling myself to look forward to the possibilities. I’m definitely “a half-full and filling” type of guy vs “a half-empty and draining” type. That is my normal way of thinking, but I’m only human and I need help sometimes. “Gotta look forward, just make it happen”. So I say it out loud in my apartment, when I drive, to my family and friends and often times to complete strangers. Yeah, that’s it. “Gotta look forward, just make it happen”. That way of thinking has gotten me this far; why stop now?

On another note, I thought by now I would’ve gotten that very familiar call saying “Stephon, you’ve been released from the “XYZ” spot. Don’t worry we’ll get you on another one soon”. Well, as of 5pm Wednesday evening I was still “on avail”, but they are also still casting. I don’t know if they are still casting the spot I’ve auditioned for 3 times or if it’s several different spots. At any rate, I have a feeling that I’ll be released tomorrow. I really hope I’m wrong. If I’m right I’m going snowboarding Friday.

I’m not being pessimistic, it’s just a strong possibility I’ll get released. Trust me, I would much rather shoot a “Sprint” national than go snowboarding on Friday. I’ll just go Saturday! Here’s an idea; maybe I should just say I’m going snowboarding Saturday because I’m shooting a “Sprint” national Friday. YEAH! That sounds good; that’s my story!

How ironic is this? Since I’ve officially had my new print zed card, I haven’t had a single go-see. I’m sure that will change in the near future. I’m not expecting to get out everyday or anything like that, but I’m really happy with it and I think it will work for me. My agents will get me in the game on regular basis in due time.


Angel said...

It's yours man. Claim It! I'm rooting for you!

kiaglover said...

I'm rooting for you too. You have been a very real inspiration to me and others in my group. It's cuz of you that we do drops and keep things aggressive. Continue to "make it happen"!

Stephon Fuller said...

Thanks Angel and Kia! I really appreciate the support. I'm following you two closely; we're all in this together.


Anonymous said...

I think it's awesome that you write a diary of what it's like in the acting world. There are so many of us out here trying to make it and your "play by play" account of what goes on in the real world really helps us out. Kudos to you!

Stephon Fuller said...

Hey Anonymous, Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad to do it. I hope it doesn't get too much of a "look at me" feel. I truly love to share and be a positive force. Good luck to you!!!