*Another day in the saddle at rehearsal for "For the Love of Freedom". I'm getting a 'little' less nervous these days, but I am still freaked at the notion of not being ready to perform. The thing is that I'm covering 3 different roles and two of the actors are usually at rehearsal and one of them is rarely there. I end up rehearsing as that character and am so consumed with that that it's difficult to keep up with the other characters that I'm covering too.

I'm starting to get to know more of the cast members as well. They are a really talented bunch and I am honored to be a part of this production. For some reason it feels really "East Coast" to me, what ever that means. I don't just kinda safe.

Also, often times there are other actors who aren't in attendance for various reasons so I sometimes end up reading those roles too. It's funny because I'm torn between being the actor who is always available to fill-in and the guy who just wants to blend in and kinda be invisible. I just don't want to get in too far over my head. My instinct is to "be there, be there, be there" and my head says "be careful, are you sure you can handle this?" It may just be fear of the unknown. Thus far, my instinct has won out and I haven't failed to step up to the plate to help when I can. The director sees that I am always close by and seems to really appreciate it.

I'm sure many actors have done much, much more. I'm trying to change the way I do some things in my life these days. This is perfect, it wrecks my confidence at times, but perfect.

Something that's really interesting for me with this experience is watching the director and thinking of my father. I can't pinpoint it just yet, but something is going on. It's like he says things that I "think" my father would say and even says them the way i "think" he would say them. Sometimes I could close my eyes and think I'm hearing my father. The is shit that has never happened to me before. It's either really right or really wrong.

Admittedly, I almost didn't even go to the meeting with Ben, but a friend told me I "had" to go. Even as I drove there and parked I was reluctant, but she was like a bird on my shoulder that kept me on the straight and narrow. I gave up the control that I usually have and went for it. I am thankful to both of them for this experience thus far.