Last week I was preparing to leave the apartment to do some drops and a friend called to chat. I told her where I was going and she told me about a film being cast in the same building; so I dropped both of our photos off. Today I got a call for a director session for one of the leads of the film; the audition is tomorrow. Problem is I won’t be able to make it because I’m working on “Criminal Minds”. Hopefully, I can get rescheduled.
INT. STEPHON’S APARTMENT – LATE NIGHT
Stephon, sitting at his desk, is in the middle of a spirited conversation. He is all smiles, laughing and joking. He senses a very slight disturbance at his feet. He looks down, but can’t really see because of the bright light on his desk. Phone call continues…
Stephon (laughing):…You’ve got to be kidding.
Caller (laughing): I’m serious!
Stephon senses something isn’t quite right and wheels around in his swivel desk chair.
Stephon: Oh sh*t!
Caller: What?
His earpiece falls out and he hits the deck. There is a bat flying around in his apartment. He grabs the earpiece and puts it back in his ear. Trying to be cool, he isn’t sure whether to let the other party in on what is really going on. He can’t contain himself.
Stephon: uhh…ooh….sh*t!
Caller: What are you doing?
Stephon: uhh, can I call you back?
Caller: Yeah.
Stephon: There is a ^&(*$% bat flying around my apartment. I’ll call you back.
Stephon drops the phone and grabs a pair of pajama bottoms to wrap around his neck to prevent being bitten and turned into Dracula or Blacula. He gets another pair of pants to try to knock the flying rat silly. He swings – misses. He swings – misses again. He swings and misses a third time.
The flying rat goes for the corner where I first noticed something weird. He is out of view.
Stephon: Sh*t.
Stephon can’t seem to find him and goes around the other side to get a better look. Right then the little POS starts flying again; this time circling the spinning ceiling fan. Stephon, standing with the trusty pajamas protecting his neck, is determined to open a can of whup ass on this intruder.
He swing – misses. He swings – BINGO! He knocks that SOB clear into the kitchen. Stephon cautiously looks at him to make sure he isn’t going to fly away again. He notices that this one is bigger than the previous ones. He then sneaks past him to get a pair of pliers from the kitchen to get rid of him, but not before a headshot session. The proof.
INT. STEPHON’S APARTMENT – LATE NIGHT
Stephon, sitting at his desk, is in the middle of a spirited conversation. He is all smiles, laughing and joking. He senses a very slight disturbance at his feet. He looks down, but can’t really see because of the bright light on his desk. Phone call continues…
Stephon (laughing):…You’ve got to be kidding.
Caller (laughing): I’m serious!
Stephon senses something isn’t quite right and wheels around in his swivel desk chair.
Stephon: Oh sh*t!
Caller: What?
His earpiece falls out and he hits the deck. There is a bat flying around in his apartment. He grabs the earpiece and puts it back in his ear. Trying to be cool, he isn’t sure whether to let the other party in on what is really going on. He can’t contain himself.
Stephon: uhh…ooh….sh*t!
Caller: What are you doing?
Stephon: uhh, can I call you back?
Caller: Yeah.
Stephon: There is a ^&(*$% bat flying around my apartment. I’ll call you back.
Stephon drops the phone and grabs a pair of pajama bottoms to wrap around his neck to prevent being bitten and turned into Dracula or Blacula. He gets another pair of pants to try to knock the flying rat silly. He swings – misses. He swings – misses again. He swings and misses a third time.
The flying rat goes for the corner where I first noticed something weird. He is out of view.
Stephon: Sh*t.
Stephon can’t seem to find him and goes around the other side to get a better look. Right then the little POS starts flying again; this time circling the spinning ceiling fan. Stephon, standing with the trusty pajamas protecting his neck, is determined to open a can of whup ass on this intruder.
He swing – misses. He swings – BINGO! He knocks that SOB clear into the kitchen. Stephon cautiously looks at him to make sure he isn’t going to fly away again. He notices that this one is bigger than the previous ones. He then sneaks past him to get a pair of pliers from the kitchen to get rid of him, but not before a headshot session. The proof.
Crazy!
Can you believe that!?!?! I have lived in this building for 8 years and this is the 5th time this has happened. The first time was in ’99, then in June ’02, then sometime in ’03. I didn’t mention it, but it happened about 4 nights ago and then tonight. I have no idea how they get in. Yes, I have screens in all of my windows. The one the other night escaped by going through the little space under my front door. Maybe he got in that way. I’ll have to plug that up. There is an old hood ventilation thingy over my stove that isn’t hooked up, but I think it leads to the outside of my building. I’m gonna have to plug that too. Looks like it’s time for another trip to the rental office. It’s official, I hate this old ass building.
About 4 years ago when this “bat thing” happened the second time, my left arm mysteriously became swollen. I could never figure out why, but it was swollen from my shoulder all the way down to my fingers. I went to the doctor and they sent me to a specialist, but they could come up with anything. I always thought that maybe I had been bitten by a spider or something, but it happened the same night that I had a bat in my apartment. Maybe I am Blacula and I just don’t know it.
Can you believe that!?!?! I have lived in this building for 8 years and this is the 5th time this has happened. The first time was in ’99, then in June ’02, then sometime in ’03. I didn’t mention it, but it happened about 4 nights ago and then tonight. I have no idea how they get in. Yes, I have screens in all of my windows. The one the other night escaped by going through the little space under my front door. Maybe he got in that way. I’ll have to plug that up. There is an old hood ventilation thingy over my stove that isn’t hooked up, but I think it leads to the outside of my building. I’m gonna have to plug that too. Looks like it’s time for another trip to the rental office. It’s official, I hate this old ass building.
About 4 years ago when this “bat thing” happened the second time, my left arm mysteriously became swollen. I could never figure out why, but it was swollen from my shoulder all the way down to my fingers. I went to the doctor and they sent me to a specialist, but they could come up with anything. I always thought that maybe I had been bitten by a spider or something, but it happened the same night that I had a bat in my apartment. Maybe I am Blacula and I just don’t know it.
Dag! In New York I had rats - LA I got bats! WHAT!!!
6 comments:
Eww...yuck! Maybe that's why you're never hungry...:)...food is not what you're hungry for!
- Shenita.
Rats with wings. And I thought I had it bad with my ant situation from time to time.
Um, you might want to be looking for a new place to reside...or a discount on your rent.
New post card for next time you leave town. Your new Blacula headshot with the title "Blacula Returns"
Bats like little places to hide so fill that hole under your door pronto!
Laura
once had a bat fly into my bedroom, we ducked under the covers laughing hysterically until it left... you're a brave man to be swinging those jeans!
did you kill it? looks dead.
oh yeah, almost forgot, congrats on criminal minds & ocean 13.
It's not a hole under the door; just the normal little space between the bottom of the door and the metal plate. Ya know, that 1/4 - 1/2 inch or so space. You're right, I should get some weather stripping or something like that to seal it.
No, I don't think I killed it. It may have died eventually though. I threw it out in the street and it was gone in the morning. Maybe a cat got it.
Stephon
Ick. Wings don't fail me now... batty batty batty!
Post a Comment